I know from my own experience over many, many years that being overweight can leave you feeling miserable, angry and even… resentful.

Worse, this anger and resentment we often push onto other people, not only punishing them for how we are and how we feel, but also, over time, sometimes even blaming them for it.

Yet here’s something to think about: when you’re talking about how your weight and how you feel, my guess is you say something like, “It makes me feel really…”.

And the important word there is… makes.

Because in truth, it doesn’t make you at all. There is exactly one person responsible for the way you feel, and it’s the same person you see when you look in the mirror.

Now, I’m not suggesting you can always help the way you feel, at least in the very short term, but the fact is your feelings are always and only your own responsibility (this is something we’re really focusing on in the hypnotherapy sessions and mindset therapies at NuBeginnings France because it’s so important).

This truth is somewhat uncomfortable, I won’t deny, because it implicitly puts the onus firmly back on us for solving our problems. Not only can we not blame anyone else for our being overweight, but we can’t expect them to fix it for us, either. Blaming them for it is natural, easy, satisfying… but very, very unfair. It can and does destroy relationships, marriages and even people’s entire lives.

And this is tacitly what many of us do when we get angry and resentful of other people, turning our anger outwards rather than inwards which is really where it belongs (anger isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It’s bad only if you can’t control it, direct it or use its power for positive change… and then let it disappear as you take steps to change what you’re getting angry about).

I won’t pretend it’s easy, changing like this, especially if you’re stubborn and insist on doing it all by yourself.

You can, yes, because that’s just what I did.

But it took me many years and a lot of stumbling along into dead-ends, blind-alleys, traps and pitfalls before I really mastered the essential skills we need to make change happen for us (fortunately NuBeginnings’ Guests have a fast, effective and very simple shortcut because I’ve done all the hard work for you already!).

It’s been said of resentment that it’s like “drinking poison and then waiting for the other person to die”. Meaning, it’s a destructive emotion we try to project onto others, yet the only person it hurts is ourselves.

One of the core principles of all our work at NuBeginnings is to help you take back control of and responsibility for your emotions and weight-loss goals and re-programme your subconscious mind so losing weight and achieving your goals becomes easy, almost effortless and a lot of fun.

An interesting observation made by psychologists is that most of us are stuck at the same level of happiness and satisfaction in our lives regardless of what’s going on around us or the circumstances we find ourselves in.

And if you think about it, you’ll see it’s true. I bet every woman has at one time or another secretly convinced herself that little outfit will change her life and make her sexier, more desirable and happier – and it does, for all of us… for about an hour after we first put it on. And the same is true for men and their cars. (I know I am over generalising but hang in there – I’m making a good point I promise).

And, counter-intuitively, the same is true for the money we earn, the houses we live in, the company we keep – pretty much everything. Once a surprisingly low minimum level of these things is reached, adding more to the pile doesn’t change how we feel beyond a short-lived “bump” when it’s all new and fresh to us.

So, what does this have to do with weight loss and reaching those all-important goals you have?

Well, none of this happens overnight. Your weight takes time to come off, and you reach your goals as the result of time and effort applied in the right direction. And after the original euphoria and excitement has worn off and real-life reasserts itself, it’s easy to fall back into that “don’t care, can’t be bothered, what’s the point?” attitude.

And it’s understanding this that makes our approach at NuBeginnings so very different and typically more effective than simply “dieting” alone.

Because we understand how your mindset drives everything else – and that’s why we put so much emphasis on it during your stay on our Residential Programme, as well as in the NuBeginnings Inner Circle home-study programme.

But even without these, there’s a lot you can do to reset your “happiness thermostat” to a higher level and keep the motivation going.

One of the simplest ways is to keep your Journal bang up-to-date, making sure you record everything, but especially your results as the weight comes off and you get closer to your goals.

This serves to remind you of why you’re doing what you’re doing and provides concrete evidence it’s actually working (because even at 2lb a week, if you have  lot to lose, progress can be painfully slow and difficult to discern).

Another trick you can play sounds very simple but takes some practice. And that is… to decide to be happy now.

The world around you is as it is. And it’s this way every day. The only difference between good days and bad days is your attitude to them – the environment around you is oblivious to you (and if truth be told, so are most of the people around you, too!).

You have a choice: be happy, or don’t be happy. It sounds silly, I know. But if you tell yourself “I’ll be happy when I…”, and then add some arbitrary criterion, like “… reach my goal weight”, or “…get that new car” or “…find a partner” I can practically guarantee you’re never going to be happy, simply because you’re relying on external circumstances or other people to furnish that happiness for you.

So what do you do when you’re feeling low or you wake up and something’s weighing on your mind and threatening to spoil your day.

Easy:

1. Find somewhere to stand where you’ve got some space (you’re going to need it).
2. Think about what’s bugging you and let the negative feelings wash over you. Really let them become strong… as strong and as miserable as they can be.
3. When they’re so bad you just want to find a hole to crawl into…
4. Crouch down, touch your fingers on the floor, and then leap up in the air as high as you can, waving your arms about and kicking your legs, pulling as silly a face as you can and making as silly “yodelling” sound.
5. That’s it.

Yes, people will think you’ve flipped, but I promise not only will you feel instantly better for the rest of the day, but the problem – whatever it is – won’t ever seem quite so important ever again.

Don’t knock it until you’ve done it. Go on….no time like the present!

One of the lessons I took a long time to learn (but which, fortunately, you can learn from me now without having to make all the mistakes I made or take so long to learn it), is our ultimate success with our weight-loss goals stems from our mindset.

Until this vital foundation is absolutely rock solid the rest is like a house built on shifting sand (this is one of the core things we cover on the Residential Programme here at a href=”http://www.nubeginnings.co.uk”>NuBeginnings, where we share with you different tools and strategies for forming this foundation to underpin your ultimate success).

It does take a little time and effort, and it’s something we need to keep a constant watch on, lest we allow our own negative little voices distract us from our goals and aspirations.

But here’s a quick exercise you can start doing now, right away, and it’ll being you rewards massively disproportionate to the effort you have to put into it.

It’s very simple: stop comparing yourself to others.

We all do it, I know, but it’s fundamentally pointless. We’ll open up a magazine and look at the models, then read the blurb telling us if we follow this diet or that plan, we’ll look like the improbably beautiful woman in the picture; yes, we all know she’s a model, but that doesn’t stop the fanciful hope at the back of our minds that perhaps this time it’s true.

Fact is, most of us aren’t models. And no amount of exercise is going to make us one. It’s perhaps not fair and an unkindness bestowed upon us by fate, but that’s life.

And you’ll find we do this all the time: we look at other people’s success and unconsciously compare our own results to theirs. That, too, is pointless.

Apart from anything else, you can’t know what it is they are doing to get their results. Not only do people lie, but they also sincerely get it wrong.

But even if what they told you is absolutely correct, there’s every chance you could do exactly the same things they’re doing – same exercise, same time, same food, same everything – and still you’d get different results.

Why?

Because we’re all different. Our bodies are built on the same plan and we have the same broad chemical processes going on, but we’re all different in the detail, and the detail, when it comes to losing weight, makes all the difference.

There’s nothing wrong with following an established Programme like the one we have at NuBeginnings, because it’s proven to work (we’re proud of the fact that everyone who has ever come to stay with us has gone away having lost weight. We have a 100% success rate).

But it works better for some people than for others. And if you don’t get the same results as someone else, it’s too easy to conclude you’ve done something “wrong” or there’s something more serious gone awry.

Nothing could be further from the truth. The true measure of success is internal to YOU, and the best thing you can do is compare yourself to… yourself.

Trying to live up to others’ expectations is a short-cut to unhappiness and suboptimal results.

Change is always difficult. And the commitment to change by losing weight and leading a healthier, happier life is no exception.

Because not only do you know there’s quite some work, time and distance between where you are now and where you want to be in the future – and I know that can be daunting all by itself – but there’s the fear of the unknown.

It’s an irrational fear, but it’s very real nevertheless. It’s the fear of not knowing if we can do the exercise , the fear of being hungry, even the fear of it not working for us.

And while these fears never really come to pass, they can stop us dead in our tracks, even before we’ve got started.

But we’re not the only ones who fear this change, because your friends and family fear it, too. They fear you becoming someone different, someone new. Your kids fear change to their routine; and your spouse might be afraid they’ll lose you once you’re looking slim and sexy. Even our friends can be negative, and tell us, “you’re great just how you are” or, “you’ve got to die some time, so you may as well enjoy yourself”

Yes, you can laugh but the fear of our loved-ones changing is very, very powerful and can lead us to act in ways and react to emotions we’re not even aware of – jealousy, envy, uncertainty, to name just three.

See, it’s not that they don’t want us to be happy and succeed. It’s more a case of their environment is changing (because you are part of it) and they have no control. What’s more, they also often know they too should be making changes of their own… and it’s easier and less scary for them to preserve the status quo by keeping you down at their level rather than growing to join you at yours.

And our natural reaction is anger and irritation, and then a determination to do it anyway. And this, of course fuels their fear even further, causing more jealousy and envy, and so provoking more determination. It can be a very nasty vicious circle.

The thing is, and it would be funny if it were not so serious, it’s all so unnecessary especially as this new you is supposed to be about being happier and living a better life.

Now, one argument is it’s none of their business and you’re free to do what you want and if they don’t like it they know where the door is. And while this is true and sometimes even appropriate, most of the time it’s not really what we want at all.

I’ve found the easiest way to get people behind you and maybe even joining you, is to involve them in the planning and goal setting. Seek their help and their opinions. Reassure them about your reasons for doing it. If your spouse becomes unsettled and insecure, rather than calling him or her “silly” or “stupid”, take pains to tell them and show them you love them and it’s not about leaving them behind or seeking new paths to tread alone.

This is more work than just isolating yourself and forging ahead regardless of what other people say (and sometimes this is necessary and appropriate, too), but it’s worth it in the end.

One reason the NuBeginnings Residential Programme works so well on your mindset is you’re spending a week among people who share a common goal with you – they’re supporting and caring and don’t seek to hold you back through their own fear.

I strongly recommend you seek to cultivate this kind of positive environment at home with your friends and family. Not only is it going to make your journey to your goals easier and more fun, but it’s perhaps going to make the arrival at your destination far more satisfying, too.

What has a weight loss boot camp got to do with elections you ask? Wel….Now the furore has died down and the dust has settled, I think it’s worth looking at a very important lesson we can learn from last week’s General Election.

As you’ll know the vote was indecisive and no party had an overall majority. In short, no one actually got what they wanted – events beyond their control interceded to prevent them from realising their goal.

Now this topical example is a good analogy for what happens in many areas of our lives, not least weight loss.

Consider: you have a weight loss goal and for whatever reason you’re not going to achieve it in the time you set yourself. Say you’re going on holiday and that 14lb weight-loss you wanted to achieve didn’t come about for one reason or another.

Well, just like the party leaders last week, you have a choice to make: you can either give up and call the whole thing off; or you can put in time, effort and thought into what you can achieve as a reasonable compromise.

Now, I know some people see compromise as being tantamount to failure, but I think that attitude is unhelpful and, to be honest, somewhat short-sighted.

Sometimes we simply can’t have what we want right now, and that often sees us reacting in a knee-jerk fashion and rather than taking a positive and useful view that, say, 50% of something is better than 100% of nothing, we’ll cut off our noses to spite our faces and settle for nothing.

That might be emotionally satisfying at the time, and give us the pleasure of “proving our point”, but ultimately it’s not useful and does nothing to move us towards our real goals.

In the case of Cameron and Clegg, they’ve settled for less than they wanted, but more than they’d have if they stamped their feet and refused to compromise. And, of course, they’re now in a position to begin working for more of what they want from a position of strength.

So if you’ve slipped on your diet and you’ve realised you’re not going to reach goals for this Summer, rather than giving up and concluding it’s pointless now and you’ll “try again” next year, compromise.

Look for what you can achieve rather than what you can’t and decide what that’s going to give you.

And then, just like the party leaders, once the holiday is over, you’ll be in a strong position to aim for and start working towards that ultimate goal you’re desperate to achieve.

Unless you’ve been hiding inside for the past few weeks, you’ll notice the days are getting longer and the sunshine that little bit warmer.

And pretty soon, volcanoes permitting, a good proportion of us are hoping to be jetting off on our Summer holidays to enjoy the sea, sun and sand.

So.

Are you prepared? Do you look as good as you want to, or as good as you thought you would?

And if you don’t – which probably means most of us – what are you doing about it?

Most people do nothing, except perhaps to moan and complain and seek solace in a big tub of ice-cream with M&Ms on the top.

And, in truth, for us to be at our best by the time the holidays come round, we should probably have started several weeks ago.

But we can’t change the past and there’s nothing to be gained in beating ourselves up about it; what’s more, stuffing our faces in the (erroneous) belief we’ve somehow “failed” and we’ll “start again later” is going to do us a lot of harm in the long term (it’s dumb, we all do it, and we all know how dumb it is).

So let’s start from now. Draw a line under the past, start afresh and commit to being the best we can given where we are now. That’s a lot healthier, positive and success-orientated than giving in, over-eating and piling on a few more pounds until we decide to start again at some indeterminate time in the future.

Here’s what to do. It’s all simple, it won’t take long and it’s guaranteed to work. You might not be how you wanted to be, but you’ll be the best you can be.

1. Take a piece of paper and work out how many weeks it is to your holiday.
2. Decide how many pounds you think you can reasonably lose between now and then, and set it as your goal. Don’t go all silly and think you’re going to work like a Trojan and lose 10lb a week. That’ll last for at least a couple of hours until you start feeling hungry, tired and miserable. If you can consistently lose 1lb to 1 ½lb a week, you’re doing really well.
3. Write this goal down.
4. Then work backwards and calculate how much you’ll have lost each week. So if you want to lose 10lb in 10 weeks, then at week 9 you’ll have lost 9lb, at week 8, 8lb, and so on.
5. Begin. Today. Right now. Don’t say you’ll “start Monday” and then spend the weekend pigging-out on junk-food in a desperate attempt to cram as much food into your belly as possible.  Begin now by eating how you should be eating tonight, and exercising how you should be exercising.
6. Record your progress, feelings, moods, food, exercise and everything else every day.
7. And don’t forget to have one relaxed “free meal” at least once a week.

I can’t guarantee exactly how much you’ll lose doing this, but I do guarantee you’ll lose more than if you don’t.

Are you one of those people who constantly watches your weight on the scale? You feel great when it shows a fall… and when it shows even a minute rise… you feel the world is about to end and the only remedy is a huge bowl of ice-cream or an industrial-sized bar of chocolate. Our weight loss boot camp takes those scales away whether you like it or not.

It’s OK if this rings a bell… because almost everyone does it. I used to do it, too.

But it’s pointless because we end up beating ourselves up for no reason.

First, even if it “meant” anything, getting angry with yourself about some apparent “failure” is no help to anyone at all. It won’t change the “fact” of your “failure” won’t move you forward. All it’s going to do is focus all your energy and attention on something you can’t possibly change because it’s in the past. Far better to think about what you can do differently in the future.

Secondly, your weight can vary dramatically within (literally) hours. Imagine: you get up, go to the bathroom and weigh yourself. A couple of hours later, after breakfast and lunch, a litre of water you weigh yourself again. Heavens to mercy, you’re about 3lb heavier! Obviously, you’ve not squirreled 3lb of fat away in those few hours… it’s just the added weight of what you’ve eaten.

Thirdly, your hydration levels have an amazing effect on your weight. As I mentioned the other day, my cycling friend can lose 2 to 3lb in just an hour’s cycling on a hot day. Then if you have a few low-carb meals with a workout in there, your depleted glycogen levels are going to play havoc with the scale.

Finally, for the ladies, your weight is going to fluctuate with your monthly cycle. Unfortunately, you’re going to be at your apparent “heaviest” at about the time you’re at your most emotionally fragile. Easier said than done, I know… but do remember this when you’re feeling glum about it. Write a note on the calendar for every month: “if you feel blue about your weight… it’s your cycle, it isn’t YOU!”.

A better way to use the scales is at the same time on the same day every week after the same routine e.g. Monday morning before breakfast and after I’ve been to the bathroom.
You still might get a few rises every once in a while, especially around your cycle, but you’ll start to see the long-term trend is downwards.
And that’s what counts, isn’t it?

After all, this weight-loss goal you have is not an event – it’s a process of living a healthier, happier, and more fulfilling life.
And you can’t change where you are overnight, but you can change the direction you’re heading in.

In my last post, I shared with you how important it is to keep a journal of everything you do, eat, think and feel in pursuit of your goals.

One of the reasons for this, as I said, is we humans are not good at remembering objective facts — our memories are always clouded by emotions, preferences, beliefs and everything else we have going on in our heads.

There’s another reason, too: mindset. At our weight loss boot camp we spend a lot of time focusing on your mindset.

In any endeavour the single-most element in your success is always your WILL to achieve it (for example, doctors know that, medical wizardry notwithstanding, the most important factor in a patient’s survival and recovery is the will to live).

Analogously to the patient’s “will to live”, to achieve your weight-loss and lifestyle goals, you must have… a goal!

Sounds obvious, I know… but a lot of the people I speak to don’t have a goal – or if they do, it’s something nebulous like “I want to lose weight”.

You may have heard of SMART goals before – but here’s a useful version for you to use in losing weight:

Significant. To mean anything your goal has to be clear, unambiguous and meaningful.

Measurable. If you can’t easily measure your progress it means you can’t tell how well you’re doing working to get there AND you won’t know when you’ve arrived.

Achievable. What you’re aiming for has to be physically possible. For example, if Sally is 50 years old and 5′2″ tall, she’s never going to be an Olympic high-jump champion. This is NOT to say, however, she shouldn’t challenge herself and set a goal higher than she thinks she can manage (if you want to hit an eagle, aim for the moon!).

Realistic. Not only does your goal have to be possible, but it’s got to be sensible. For example, if Sally wants to lose 10 stone (which IS achievable), she can’t do it in 2 weeks (that’s NOT realistic).

Time-bound. Your goal must have a deadline. If it doesn’t, then you’ll slack off and tell yourself you’ll get there “whenever”.

In my next post I’ll share a simple tip with you for making even the biggest and most challenging goal easier to reach then you’d even believe possible.

One of the most effective things you can do in your weight loss journey will surprise you – because, curiously, it has nothing to do with diet or exercise at all.

It’s simply this: keep a journal.

You should write down everything you eat, the time you ate it, and how you felt before and after eating it. Then you should do the same with your exercise routines – what you did, how long you did it for, and how you felt. And, of course, do the same with all your measurements, so you can track your progress (and do remember it’s the long-term trend we’re interested in, not day-to-day fluctuations in your weight).

OK, so why go to all this trouble?

There are lots of reasons but the two biggest ones are:

1. Anything measured improves. It’s a quirk of human psychology.
What we think happens is your subconscious is alerted to the fact you want to achieve a goal and your continually measuring progress kicks it into gear to help you reach it. This is SO important because it works even if you just measure and don’t make any conscious effort to improve the results you’re measuring.

2. Human perception and memory is really, really bad. If you trust to your memory, it’s going to be coloured by your emotional state. So, if you eat a meal when you’re really hungry, your memory tells you it’s smaller than it was; if you’re really tired during or after exercise, your memory tells you it was harder than it really was and that you did more of it (this is connected with the advice not to go shopping when you’re hungry – you buy more than you want or need because your stomach is telling you what’s in your hands is smaller than it really is!).

By writing it down you have a permanent and objective record of how you’re doing, where you’re going and how you’re getting there.

There’s another benefit, too.

You see, I recommend you make your Journal a daily-commitment. Write down EVERYTHING, even if it’s not connected with your weight-loss per se.

If you have a great idea, write it down; are touched by the lyrics of a song, write it down; hear a funny story, write it down; have one of those “aha!” moments, write it down.

You can use any kind of notebook.

There’s only one “rule”: it mustn’t be loose-leaf and preferably it’ll be bound like a book (spiral-bound is OK, but it’s too easy to tear out “unpleasant” pages!).

However, while anything will suffice, I DO recommend you buy something of high quality. Why? Because it’s a psychological thing: if you’ve paid for a leather-bound journal with hand-made paper, you’re going to be motivated to fill it with ideas, goals, and words of quality and style.

But, no matter what kind of notebook you do choose, you’ll be amazed at the difference a journal makes in your life.